Meethi Melancholy Season (copyright)

Sneezes and wheezes.

Hi there,

I woke up this morning having slightly recovered from a fever that could convince me I was responsible for global warming. I still have mucus nothing short of lava (sorry, ew), but I’m here- alive, regaining some of my strength (or so I can trick myself into believing), and feeling a reduced sense of overall physical pain.

I have no agenda today, nothing of grave seriousness to convey to you. I am simply happy to be able to reach you. Sickness, however brief and easily curable, brings with it a nearly devastating sense of isolation. I have been fortunate to be surrounded by some really kind and forthcoming people, even in this late-20s-working-hustling phase of life. Perhaps what I’ve had to fight the most, is my own arresting inability to ask for help; and to accept it, when it truly shows up.

There is much to be said about the guilt I feel. But there is perhaps even more to be said about the systemic basis of that guilt. Yesterday, with my 102-degree Fahrenheit fingers, I went over every single detail of the past week while lying in bed, hoping to identify that one moment when I slipped, indulged, and landed myself this viral infection. Eventually, the clues weren’t enough to solve the crime. And the reward simply wasn’t sweet enough. I wasn’t looking forward to the escalation of my guilt spiral, or the stale knowledge that I have lost some precious days of “productivity.”
For more context, I’d like you to know, that I was working even through the sickness. (So I had absolutely no reason to ride the repentance rollercoaster).
Capitalism will not understand, but I still can.
It’s not too late.
This is for both you and me- you shouldn’t have to fall sick to get some rest. And each time you even think of work, while sick, you have to get up and River-dance.

I’m afraid I don’t have the strength to write much further, but before I leave, I do want to declare my ennndddlessss joy for the arrival of autumn!
Sit with your giant cups of warm beverages, hum ghazals ALL the time, have your friends over for Rafi appreciation evenings, stock up on dry fruits and prepare together for the brief, tricky, and ever-transformative winter.

Until next time.
Love and salaams,
Samreen